He opens my heart again. Last time, I said it was the last time, but what if I gave him one more "last time"? Will he take that opportunity to make it all right once more? Or will he let us shatter once again, as he has always done? I love him, I miss him, and now that I know he feels the same...
Well there isn't much to it, huh? Either I take a chance and risk it all, or let it be, and not let myself fall.
What to do, what to do...
Has it been since I posted?
Just a quick update:
-Tomorrow: Date? Possibly.
-Monday: Finish preparation for school. Maybe shopping?
-Thursday: Visit Debts II Society.
-Monday [17th]: Start school.
FIN.
Smashed on it last night! They beat the Rockets by forty! Now that's what I call a KILL! So proud of my boys.
Anyway, working in Madera today. Two-thirty to eleven-thirty. Lame!
Peace.
"I shouldn't have let you hit that, 'cause now I can't forget that." Ha! Yeah, new favorite song of the week. Oooo, shit, damn.
Anyway, school sucks right now. Life is like, whatever. The Lakers are in the second round of the playoffs. Awesome! I'm in love with Andrew Bynum, Shannon Brown and Chris Paul. Yeah CP3 isn't a Laker, but still.
I'm bored. I have nothing to vent about. Goodnight.
I just want all the coldness to go away. Summertime is taking so long to get here! I want the sun, I want the heat! Damn, I'm craZy.
That's all.
I am not feelin' this rainy season whatsoever. It's bringing me lower than I already feel. What the heck man? Bring on the heat waves. I can't wait to wear my tank tops and shorts again. I can't wait to have my one week summer break and go to the beach. I just want to get away from this coldness, I hate it!
On another note, I'm discovering more and more about myself everyday. Awkward much? Ha! Yeah, I'm trying to be happy about everything, because you know, it's really not that hard at all. If you want to be happy, then just smile and be happy. I always thought I needed someone else to make me smile, but no, it's all good.
School is getting tougher, but it's going to all be worth it in one more year. I'll only be nineteen and banking it! Save up, pay off all those loans, then save up for a house. I'm hoping to have one by the end of next year. I'm thinking Kingsburg for now. My ultimate goal is to go coastal of course, or even LA. We'll see I guess.
"I'ma let you fly, and pray you'll come back to me. 'Cause I do believe if I let you fly and you fly back, then it was meant to be. So fly."
I miss him. *sigh*
Lates.
Feeling like this, worthless, hopeless. What happened to the me that said I would stay positive through my hardships? Why does life have to throw difficult challenges at me, testing my strength? Why can't everything just be simple?
I vow to be a stronger person. I promise myself not to break down or give in to temptations, the ones I know I will have to face. No more letting other people have any say in what I do with my life. I live how I want, regardless of who I crush to succeed.
I'm not the life of the party. I'm not the fun drunk or the one to light up with. I don't know, whatever you people call it these days. I'm independent. I'm smart. I'm beautiful. I'm strong. I don't need a guy by my side to be worth something. I'm respectable when you know the real me. Listen to the rumors and you're lost.
Sorry if you think I'm boring. Sorry if you think I need to let loose. Sorry if you thing I need to get out more. That isn't my scene and it just isn't me. I don't care if you think I'm too young to be throwing away my adolescence. I have more important stuff to deal with.
I've been causing myself to suffer for over a week, and for what? For someone who doesn't have faith in me? For someone who judges me? For someone that disregards my emotions? It ends tonight.
Peace!
Heading to Disneyland in six hours.
Just thought I'd point it out.
Pictures to follow!
Tuesday.
Bye.
Finished my last final today! Which means, I have next week off of school. YAY! That is technically my spring break, since we don't actually have a real one. Lame right? Anyway, my family and I are headed to Disneyland on Sunday. We shall be there for two nights. I'm pretty excited, just to get out of town of course. Ahh! Who am I kidding? I love Disneyland! Hmm. Time to make a call.
Bye!
Yes, it is finals week at school. Meaning, I have next week off. Yay? I think so, but I'm not entirely sure. I'm supposed to be going to Disneyland with my family, but only if the weather is good. I'd rather be spending time with my boo though. Ha! I'm so excited right now, and I'm not sure why?
Um. I went to a party last night, it wasn't that great, it was kind of wack. Oh well? I just needed to get out of my house. My baby was out of town, and I was moping around missing him, so I needed to do something to get my mind off him. Yeah, it didn't work. Nothing does. I'm so lame. Whatever. Anyway, I have a five page essay and a project due Tuesday, and I haven't started. Looks like it's going to be a long night.
Out!
Yeah, a post two days in a row, woo! I guess I have a valentine this weekend. I know, I know. I'm just a sucker for that special guy and his stupid remarks that are somehow so cute to me. Ha! Who would have ever thought I'd be falling for someone like this? Jeez.
The Lakers lost against Jazz last night. I was so upset. My poor baby, Bynum, won't be playing for like another eleven weeks. I'm so sad. Coach is stupid though, Sasha brought them back up in the game last night, then he gets taken out? WTF? Seriously, he should have played until the game was OVER! They probably would have won.
Enough of that, it makes me sad. I forgot to mention that I started interning at Community Regional Medical Center. It's been great, I love it. I'm just excited to continue doing what I'm doing. I have one more year of school, then graduation! Quick huh? Anyway, I have work today, I'm off.
Toodles.
Valentines Day. =/
I can't say that I have had any good experiences these fast few years....
Oh-Five: Freshman year of high school. Ahh. Yes, I had a valentine, but he also had about twenty others. *Sigh*
Oh-Six: Tell my crush I like him and ask him to be my valentine, and get turned down. Ouch!
Oh-Seven: The boy I was secretly dating asks me what I would like for Valentines Day, so he gets what I told him I would like, and gives it to his girlfriend. Ouch! Times two.
Oh-Eight: In fear of getting hurt, dump my boyfriend of two months on the eleventh of February. Turns out he got me some really nice gifts [[he was so sweet]], but you know, he hated me after the kick to the curb. Sorry!
Oh-Nine? I don't even want to think about it. I'm working, the morning shift though. So whatever happens the rest of the afternoon, well, it will happen. Hopefully I get my new cell phone though, my touch screen is totally bugging.
Peace! [[and Love?]]
So the new year has begun, and I am one week into it, loving it. School started again this past Monday, I missed it the week and a half that I had vacation, ha! I started a new book, it's really great. Everything is just, well, it's going good. I have nothing to complain about, except that I wish my hair would grow faster. I need to trim it and add shorter layers on top.
This is only the beginning, I'm keeping that in mind. It could get better, or it could get worse. We'll see how time unfolds everything.
Yay Me! <3
